Tag Archives: money

‘Purpose’ and career – a clarification

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They do not have to be the same thing.

I come into contact with many people who hate their jobs and are looking to change to something more fulfilling, in some cases something that feels like a calling, perhaps their life’s purpose. I think many people may want to try turning their passion into paid work too.

However that’s not always the right path for everyone, and I felt compelled to write something for anyone struggling to ‘find their purpose’ and/or find a career that is their purpose. What i’m sharing is based on my own hard-won life lessons and experiences.

1. Projecting the weight of ‘life purpose’ onto paid work or career can lead to perfectionist tendencies.Not to mention, your life purpose(s) may actually be outside of the world of paid work. You might be endlessly searching for the ‘perfect’ job or paid career that is your life’s mission. That’s a big weight, a heavy responsibility, to put onto your work! When you think about ‘purpose’, does it have to be paid work? What if your passions and purpose(s) were things you didn’t get paid for? If you knew you were living your purpose outside of your main ‘career’ or paid work, how would you feel towards your paid work life? These are important questions to ask when it comes to thinking about work in general, as well as your purpose.

If you love something, are passionate about doing it, put your heart into it, and don’t get paid for it, should you stop doing it? Hell no!

2. Often people like the idea of turning their passion into a paid gig, whether that’s more of a regular employment career or via going freelance and/or starting a business. What I’ve been considering lately is this: what if your passion and purpose is *perfect* when you are doing it outside of getting paid to do it? What if sometimes trying to translate it into paid work ruins your passion and takes you away from your purpose?

For example, one person’s passion and purpose could be to be a graffiti artist, however making money directly off of that could be hard. They may decide to try make more traditional fine art to get income, but feel dead inside as they’re not really doing their life’s work. It may be better for them to do a good-enough job (perhaps unrelated to art) that keeps their bank account ticking over, keeps them busy, and keeps them relatively happy, whilst using the rest of their time to truly live their passion in an undiluted way.

My passion is waacking dancing, and I get moments where I think it is part of my purpose as there’s nothing else I’d want to do instead. Does that mean i ‘should’ turn my passion into a profession? Well, the idea of trying to force it to be a paid career puts me off. I’m so happy doing what I do how i do it right now that I don’t even feel a desire to make it paid work. It can still be my passion, my purpose, and not pay me. That’s okay.

Here’s another example. I used to be a pretty passionate social justice activist back in my youth ;) I loved going on protests, probably because of the carnival atmosphere and being with a big crowd of like-minded folk rooting for a positive idea or change. When it came time for me to think about ‘careers’ and paid work, my logical brain told me that it made sense if I looked for work in charities/organisations that work towards making the world a better place. Long story short, I did some internships and contract jobs in the sector and was utterly bored. The pro-active spirit, lack of bureaucracy, and informality I enjoyed as an activist was not present. I discovered that my purpose/passion was very tangible on the ground, as part of volunteer activist groups, and it disappeared when I pursued paid work in the field. If I had continued with my activist (unpaid) work, I may have maintained my passion, and found a different line of work instead.

Be aware of choices that water down your passion

If you feel out of touch with your passion (which often is linked to your ‘purpose’), have a little look back and see in what circumstances did it disappear? I don’t just mean being passionate about a specific thing like eg. painting or running, I also mean feeling passionate in general – more motivated, more up for things, in the flow of life. What changes did you make that could have started to pour water over your internal flames? Did you try to turn a passion into your main paid career, which actually ended up spoiling your fun?

What do you live for?

I have learnt that oftentimes when you are living your passion, you live FOR it – you live for your dance class, you live for your kickboxing class, you live for time spent with your kids, you live for whatever it is you love. There is no five year plan, because you constantly feel driven forward simply to take the next step – to go to the next class, to take whatever opportunity comes along, to connect with like-minded folk. Dwelling in your passion(s) without planning for or expecting particular outcomes is, at least for me, a state of bliss. And sometimes passions need to be kept out of the world of paid work to allow for that.

So if your passion isn’t your paid job, that’s fine. Keep your passion polished. Live for it. Know that is it your ‘purpose’, regardless of whether you get any income from it, whether you get any prestige or acknowledgement for it. ‘Work’ is by no means the be-all of life, even though sometimes people act as if it is or it should be.

The real meat behind stoking your passions is this: when you have something in your life that you are truly passionate about, you will be truly alive and authentically yourself. It could be watching marine life. It could be doing your best in a sport. It could be going to a place of worship. It could be geeking out on technology. Whatever it is, fan the flames, and make choices that will make the flames burn brighter rather than take the pure joy out and turn it into a slog. In many cases you might not want to tamper with what already may be a damn good thing.

Here’s to a passionate week y’all

S xo

Let your feelings be your guide to create YOUR normal

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This week I’ve been thinking about how some of the biggest game-changers have been recognising when a situation or state of being is ‘not healthy’.

This may not be as easy or obvious as you might expect.

There are lots of things that are prevelant or ‘normal’ in our families, peer groups, society, yet are not healthy or ‘right’.

For example, debt is actually kinda normal – it’s likely that you know a few people who are in debt, and reading the papers there is lots of talk about the normalcy of consumer debt.

Likewise, co-dependent relationships (between romantic partners or even in families) can be considered ‘normal’ – the ‘need’ to have someone complete you, or to give your all to another because ‘that’s what relationships are about’.

Working a job you hate then binge-drinking and partying hard at the weekend could be seen as normal in certain circles!

However, because something is the norm, or seemingly widespread, does not make it right or healthy.

So if you’re in an environment where it appears certain negative behaviours are the norm, how do you ‘know’ or have the lightbulb moment that this behaviour really is not healthy or right for you? Your peer group, the media, your family etc could all be ‘showing’ you that it’s normal behaviour, so how do you carve a different path?

Listen to your gut. Look at how this behaviour is impacting you. Give yourself some quiet time away from everyone and everything to reflect on what is true for you.

Think about a time when you were not in debt, not in a co-dep relationship, working a job you enjoyed, a time when you didn’t turn to an addiction or comfort food. Even if that means going back to when you were a kid or teenager.

Realize that your unhealthy state of being in debt/co-dependency/overeating/overspending/living an unhealthy lifestyle is NOT YOUR NORMAL.

Create your own standard of normal. It doesn’t have to be the same as everyone elses. Just make sure your standard of normal benefits you, makes sense to you, and will improve your life.

As an example, when I was in debt, I thought that was normal for a while. My father had been in debt, as a student I readily took on cheap/free credit and my fellow students were in debt, and in my early twenties a lot of my peers were also living on limited means, often relying on credit cards. It just seemed like debt was a normal part of life.

As i worked to get out of debt, one of the biggest things that helped me was holding on to the belief that ‘being in debt is not my state of normal’. I had to look back through my life to pick out the times when i was not in debt (which proved to me that it is possible to be out of debt), and believe that being in debt is a temporary injury that i would recover from.

Temporary dysfunctions can often become very long-lasting states of normal. That is why setting your own standard for ‘what is normal for me’ is so important. If you have an inkling that there is an issue affecting your life, tell yourself that this is not your normal and like an injury, you will recover.

It may also help you to start sourcing stories, people, ideas that all support your desired ‘state of normal’. So for me, i spent a lot of time visiting financial guidance websites which had case studies of people who had cleared their debts and instead were using their money towards savings. It was important for me to be surrounded in any way i could be with people who didn’t believe debt was normal.

So this week, I encourage you to look at one thing in your life that isn’t serving you, yet is a continuing problem. Does it feel normal to you? Are the people around you all doing the same thing? Do you feel ‘comfortable’ with this problem even though you might know it’s not working for you?

Once you establish your new normal in your mind (eg my new normal is to be debt-free, my new normal is to have clean relationships, my new normal is to exercise every day), your problematic behaviour will start to feel less comfortable! You can use these new-normal phrases as affirmations each day to keep you on track (eg ‘my new normal is to be debt-free’).

This will really help you begin to take steps to move away from the negative pattern. Sometimes we have problem areas in our lives just out of habit, so this can be a good step towards breaking the habit.

I hope this helps you - it’s really helped me. Perceiving any undesirable habit or behaviour as an injury to recover from, not a state of normal, is a powerful way of handling these situations.

Have a great week

S xo

If you would like one-to-one coaching to turn around a negative pattern and/or to create a new ‘normal’ for yourself, get in touch!

Putting Yourself Out There

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Happy Valentine’s! Whether you are in a relationship or single, I encourage you to carve out a little space for some self-love and appreciation for wanting more autonomy and empowerment over your finances and personal growth!

Since my last post for you, the Money Rockstar site has had a facelift AND I have an article published over at MindBodyGreen! It’s about being responsible for your own gifts and talents, which is super relevant to self-worth, so if you haven’t checked the article out yet please do, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. It ties in very neatly with this weeks topic:

Putting Yourself Out There

When you can stand in your own value, it is much easier to market yourself – whether that’s in the form of a job application or resume, submitting to be a guest writer or speaker, or promoting your business.

Knowing and standing in your own value and worth is the bedrock for being able to spot and apply for opportunities, approach collaborators, potential clients or employers, and also helps to clear out any BS about what you will or won’t do! Once we know what we truly rock at, what our innate gifts are, and begin to shine the spotlight on them, we are less likely to go for jobs or clients that won’t make the best use of our talents.

And as we shine light on our talents we begin to appreciate them more, which in turn boosts our self-esteem and sense of self-value. And from there it is a LOT easier to put yourself out there.

What areas of expertise do you have? Are you sharing them with the world effectively? When you look for clients or employers, do you focus more on what they can give you, or what you can bring to them? When I focus on how important my message and advice is, it makes it far easier for me to reach out to others to share my services.

Your homework for this week!

1. No matter what your current employment status (out of work, full-time employed, freelance, business-owner etc), check back in with yourself. What are your core innate skills and talents? What do you do best? What message do you want to share with the world? What knowledge do you have that others may want to know? What skills do you rock at that you should focus on, while delegating or ‘stop doing’ the things you’re not a natural at?

2. What small steps can you take this week to share your unique self with the world, and put yourself out there? Who would benefit from your skills and knowledge, and how can you reach them?

Refocusing back to your core gifts, and valuing what they can provide for others, should help fire you up to make those calls, submissions, videos, adverts!

And when we start putting ourselves out there, we start getting opportunities and new sources of income whilst boosting our self-esteem. This is a crucial part of financial empowerment.

Be honest with yourself about the questions above then take action!

One-on-One Coaching

I am opening up spaces for ongoing coaching at a flat rate of £50 for 40 minutes. Coaching sessions take place via Skype each Thursday. I have 5 spaces available – if you feel I can help you please get in touch directly at s_l_byrne@hotmail.com and I’ll send you through an intake form.

Have a great week!

Rockin it,

S xo

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Resolving Inner Conflict

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Recently I had an aha moment around self-love, and this can help you begin to establish better equilibrium around your feelings towards money.

Regarding your personal financial history, have there been times or situations when you’ve felt it necessary to hide your true feelings or knowledge away from others?

For example, when visiting relatives who are less financially abundant than you, you may feel you need to hide your wealth from them. Or when having a conversation about spending habits with your shopaholic girlfriends, you may keep quiet about the fact that you use coupons and are frugal.

Thinking about these situations (when how you truly felt was kept hidden) offers a huge wealth of helpful information about your true feelings and needs when it comes to money.

Sometimes the things we keep quiet about are the things we most care about, and we don’t like to air them in public in case of judgement or causing offence.

But when we do that, we start to cultivate shame around our truths.

So now it is February, the month of love, it is  the perfect time to shine some love on our truths. When we love our truths, we love ourselves.

If you are frugal, celebrate that. If you have debt, shine light on it and own it so that you can transmute it. If you have an abundant mindset but feel hesitant to air your views about it, stand firm in your beliefs and enjoy it.

If you have kept your money truths under a lid so others can’t see them out of fear of judgement, now is the time to slowly start to speak your truth. Do not keep your truths hidden, they will keep you small!

The bottom line is = what do you value more, your personal truths or the judgements of others?

Be brave this week!

Rock on,

S xo

Complacency and Challenge

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Sometimes wake-up calls in all areas of life (including money) come about after a period of complacency or ignorance – and in the midst of a challenge. As a personal example, I didn’t get my finances in order until I was ‘forced’ to, following a period of debt. If I had not got into debt, I probably would not have been motivated enough to understand budgeting, investing, save-to-spend tactics or checking in each week and month with my financial goals. I would have sleepwalked through my financial life, for sure.

It’s easy to say in retrospect that you’re grateful for the hard lessons – whilst you’re in the middle of any crisis it’s no fun and that sense of perspective, of being grateful for what you will learn, is pretty difficult to have.

Related to that, tonight I was thinking about how I genuinely like to be challenged, pushed a little bit to be more, do more, push my own boundaries. I was thinking about any situations in life where I’ve been challenged and forced to step up – whether that’s discipline myself, learn things I’d rather be ignorant of, learn new skills about handling money or people or fitness etc.

Every challenge has required me to be my best self. And that’s the level I operate best at.

Maybe in some bizarre way I even invited in my own financial challenge just to push myself to overcome it, thrive on the challenge, and come out the other side a better person. Who knows?

So if you are in a financial situation at the moment that’s challenging for you – be that unhealthy spending patterns or debt or wanting to bury your head in the sand – RE-FRAME it!

What is this challenge calling you forth to be? What would your best self do? Do you need to tap into some grit, evoke the warrior in you? Do you need to be brave and speak up or out? Do you need to allow curiosity to lead you to better knowledge?

Sometimes when we *think* we’re happily coasting along in something, we’re not bringing our best selves to the table. Sometimes we’re at our best when we’re being challenged. So embrace the challenge, show life what you’re made of – whether that’s in your financial life or any other area of life.

What is the situation calling you forth to be?

Rock it,

S xo

Come Clean

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Happy New Year of the Dragon!

This is a great time to re-commit to any of the resolutions you made on January 1st, and also revisit those commitments to see if they are truly in alignment with what you want to create this year. Sometimes we can get whipped up into a frenzy on NYE and make outlandish over-zealous resolutions that don’t stick. So now, here we are, over three weeks in to 2012 – solidify the commitments you know you can keep.

Part of gaining clarity over what to do next involves clearing out what came before, and I recently learnt for myself the power of coming clean.

Regarding your finances, what have you been keeping quiet about? Is there anything you feel ashamed about, or try to keep private? This could be debt, an overspending habit, an area of finances that you feel ignorant about, underearning.

Have you spoken to someone about this (a partner, a parent, a friend) and been judged for it, or made to feel like you have to shut down about it?

If so, I encourage you to find a trusted friend, mentor or coach to be able to tell your story to. You can even leave an anonymous comment below.

The point is to have your experience aired, and be met with acceptance. This isn’t about solving your problem (i.e your friend or mentor isn’t to give advice about how to solve your issue) – it’s purely to bring the dark, shame, area of embarrassment to light. This also isn’t to dwell in the pain – it’s purely to bring the situation to light, to have your feelings acknowledged, and then from there you will naturally be able to move forward.

I encourage you to do this whether you currently are having a trouble in a financial area, or if there is something in your financial past that needs to be healed.

Make the most of the beginnning of this year to truly clear out any financial darkness, so you have a cleaner slate to build your goals on.

Reach out to someone you trust, be willing to be vulnerable, and start healing!

Rockin it

S xo

Making Finances Fun

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Today I read about the Girl Scouts introducing finance/money-related badges, which I think is a good way to get kids involved with money management. I also revisited the Sesame Street Save, Spend and Share mini-site, another great, simple way to get kids financially savvy.

Why should kids get all the fun, right?

Sometimes the most engaging way to get started on revamping your finances is to make sure a sense of fun, play, and simplicity is used.

So this week’s challenge to you, if you choose to accept it, is to find ways to make money management fun – for YOU. It’ll be unique as everyone is individual and has their own way of doing things in a fun way.

Here are some suggestions to get you started:

  • Listen to financial advice podcasts whilst on the treadmill or taking your dog for a walk
  • Make budget-setting way more appealing by doing them by candlelight, with your favourite music and a hot drink
  • Turn things into games. For example, if you think you are paying too much for your utilities, can you create a challenge for yourself to hunt down the cheapest providers and bag a deal? Once you’ve done that, give yourself a (free!) prize – this could be a long luxurious bath or having your favourite meal.
  • Decorate your financial papers (if you use hard copy papers). My annual and monthly financial planner sheets have images (cut from magazines) of the things I’d like to buy, save towards, or contribute to on them. This keeps me motivated and engaged – it reminds me of what I’m really aiming for rather than just the cold hard figures.

Come up with at least one thing you can do this week to make money management more fun for you and DO IT! Experiment – see what works, what seems fun, what you would like to keep doing as part of your financial management process moving forward.

Oftentimes if something isn’t fun, we’ll do anything to avoid doing it. So make finances fun, and the rest will follow.

Have a brilliant week y’all,

S xo

Working with me
I offer lazer-targeted one-off sessions designed to clear out a trouble area of your finances. If you are stuck and can’t seem to shake off your overspending, or need to make a budget for a lifestyle change but don’t know how to, then I can help. Serious enquiries only, please see my Rock Out With Me page for details.

Reached your old goals? Feel flat? Time to set new goals!

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Having reflected on the past years personal finance successes and shortcomings, I noticed a feeling of deflation! I had met one of my main goals which I had been working towards all year, and now the goal had come to pass I had lost one of my main drivers.  ‘Now what?’

It’s time for new goals!

Our goals propel us along, and with this new year upon us I encourage you to set some financial goals to keep you moving forward. Every time you reach a big goal you have been working towards, create a new goal. The new goal could build on your recent success, or it could be something else entirely.

Your goals may not need be as urgent or pressing as saving towards college fees or clearing debt, but they should be inspiring enough for you to want to keep going.

Is there a dream trip you wish dearly to make? Is there a home renovation that would greatly improve your enjoyment of your home? Do you want to save up a lump sum to donate to a favourite cause? Do you want to be able to afford to make a bigger contribution to your pension?

It can also be helpful to reflect on where you are at now, in the broader scheme of things. Are you in a place where you want to build firm foundations for the future? Or do you have the foundations and now want to build on them? Do you want to capitalise on the gains of old goals? What area(s) of your life may need some financial investment? Are you changing career, building a business, expanding your family? Let these considerations help guide your financial goals for the year.

This week, come up with a minimum of three clear financial goals you would love to see come to pass in 2012. These will help you stay focused; make sure each goal will provide you with positive, fulfilling, nourishing richness (such as a great experience, less stress, greater independence etc).

I’ll share a few of mine:

1. My friend is getting married in South Africa in December – I want to easily and happily save $1500 to be able to attend, and use the occasion as the basis for a three week trip. This feels like the perfect opportunity, one I may regret if I don’t go for it.

2. I want to create a financial cushion of $7000 (fill  the UK tax-free ISA limit). Having savings makes me feel secure, and with some wriggle-room. I want to be in a place where if I need to ‘borrow’ money, I can borrow it from myself – not a bank!

3. Triple my current income ! I feel ready to be a custodian for a greater amount of money, and having a larger income will enable me to use money to create more joy in the world – through philanthropy, creating spaces for fun and connection, being able to participate in transformative events.

If you keep a financial folder, write your core financial goals on the top sheet to remind you of where you want to head this year.

Remember that money is the enabler, the means by which you can make your dreams happen – focus on the actual goal (eg mine is to be standing at my friends wedding ceremony under the hot SA sun!), that will propel you along far better than focusing on the monetary amount/cost you need to raise.

Here’s to realizing your goals in 2012.

Rock on,

S xo

Take off the invisibility cloak of small money this year

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I recently read a blog post discussion about the ‘greed is bad’ mindset and had two ding-ding moments that I’d love to share with you, to help guide any underearners out there at the start of 2012.

1. Being a woman with little money keeps you invisible

When you have less cash, you are less able to afford to go to networking events, retreats, to be social. If you are really on a tight budget, you simply can’t afford those travel tickets to a conference that would really help you, or even afford to visit friends the other side of the country. You end up being reigned in. Your presence in these spaces is missing. Your impact diminuishes. You touch less peoples lives, because you can’t afford the entry fee or travel.

Anecdote time.

I helped coach a friend last year around her limiting beliefs over money, one of which was ‘it is more noble to be the struggling underdog with no money’. She came up with many reasons to not have money, and could survive (even thrive) on a relatively humble income. She enjoyed the creativity and cunning needed to live on little money, she had no big desire for material posessions, there were many compelling reasons to not really desire a lot of money.

When i was revising my limiting beliefs i introduced the idea of ‘being wealthy is good because you can be even more generous with your cash, and invest in causes important to you’.

That certainly helped.

But i am generous and selfless to a certain degree. Perhaps at my core i am a leedle more self-centred.

This is where the notion of ‘a lack of money keeps you invisible’ can really kick in to turn around your relationship to money.

There’s something indignant and ‘ggrrr! no-one keeps me down!’ about that.

No-one, truly, wants to be invisible. I think a lot of us know deep down that we want to make an impact, in some way. Moreover it’s fun to participate in our communities. And it sucks not being able to go out cuz you can’t afford to. It truly sucks! Life is to be lived! Your voice, ideas, Self is needed out there!

Charging higher fees for our services, going for better paid jobs, actively wanting to bring in more money brings leverage so that we can be more present, impactful, seen in the world. Having money in itself does not equate to having more impact (you could just go spend the cash on clothes, ha ha), but if you do want to make an impact and have your presence in the world, money can certainly help enable you.

If you’ve found it hard motivating yourself to become more abundant-minded, meditate on that.

2. If in your core you are love, then no external circumstance can make you ‘bad’

Meditation reveals that behind all your doubts, fears, thoughts, you are a ray of light. Just trust me on that! So external circumstances can’t affect you – meaning, if you are poor you are still a ray of light. If you are wealthy, you are still a ray of light. Your financial situation is not a reflection of who you are at your core. It may be a reflection of your beliefs (eg ‘money is bad’ belief), but not whether or not you are a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person. So there is no reason to choose to be in a state of lack, if you are scared that having a lot of money will make you a ‘bad person’. Trust yourself. If you are a good person with little money, you will be a good person with a lot of money. Don’t judge yourself based on your financial situation, to say that you are ‘good’ because you live modestly, or you are ‘bad’ because you are in poverty. Don’t judge that you will be ‘bad’ for being rich, or even judge yourself as ‘good’ for being rich. Who you are in your heart has nothing to do with how much money you have.

So, choose to have more money. Why not? It won’t make you better or worse as a person, it’s just a different choice to make from having a lack of money. It’s like choosing to have a blue crayon or a yellow crayon. Just a choice. No attachments to whether it makes you good or bad, it’s just a choice.

Hope these thoughts provoke shifts within you.

Have an epic 2012!

S xo

Christmas 2011: How did your wallet fare?

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Whether you are still enjoying the festivities, or already looking to roll in the New Year, take ten minutes to check over your festive budget.

Did you stick to your budget? If not, by exactly how much did you go over? Was the extra spending necessary??

Did you spend more on yourself than you initially planned? (I know self-gifting can be super easy while buying others gifts!)

How did you pay for your festive food, travel and gifts this year? Did you use credit or store cards? Did you have an allocated ‘xmas fund’ savings account to cover it, or did you have to go into other savings accounts? Have you factored the bills into your January budget?

Knowing how you spent this year, is there anything you’d do differently with your christmas spending next year? Would you like to not use credit or store cards in 2012? How about setting up a festive fund that you put small deposits into throughout the year, that will cover your holiday spending?

For me, I used allocated funds from my autumn/winter income and ended up overspending by around £25 ($40) which came out of my personal savings. I didn’t use any deferred payment cards. For 2012 I want to completely stick to my budget which  includes laying strong boundaries around my family (they like to give a lot of gifts and expect a certain amount of gifts…). I didn’t buy myself any gifts, and instead used the money to go to dance classes which was way more fun. I’m thankful that I won’t have a spending hangover in January!

Overall, my 2011 festive spending was manageable and okay, but not stellar! In 2012 I want to spend below my budget figure and shop earlier.

How about you?

Have a fantastic, financially rocking New Year!

S xo